It’s time to pull that old apparatus out of your dresser drawer, Cloggers! I’ve spent the last month writing this post. Every hour that has past, every minute, every second has been dedicated to bringing you this sensational list of new uses for those old props. The truth is, folks, I just wrote this five minutes ago but don’t let that dampen your mindset. You don’t have to take my word for it. Listen to what these legends had to say:

If it weren’t for Rich Aviles’ Modern Uses for Classic Apparatus I wouldn’t be where I am today. Canada.—Jay Spankey

At first glance, I was puzzled. But after a few more glances and a wink, I was sold!—Daniel Garcia-Mendez-Aviles

Now I have so many new uses for my favorite apparatus! Thanks, Rich!—Jenna Jameson

Let’s get started:

Zombie Ball (and foulard)
The foulard makes a great blanket. However, the Zombie Ball is not a great pillow.

Vanishing Jet
Keep the jet. Don’t vanish it.

Paul Fox cups
Use for drinking.

Dancing Cane
Also known as Walking Cane.

Milk Pitcher
Water, Tea, Kool-aid Pitcher.

Folding Coin
Use as a real coin in a vending machine (I have accidentally tested this, and it works).

Duck Bucket
I guess you could use it to hold water, or anything, but please stop putting ducks in buckets!

Silk Hankerchiefs
Wipe your nose.

Himber Wallet
Show your wallet empty when someone asks to borrow money.

Squared Circle
Can be used as a magic trick to fool people. Just kidding.

Egg Bag
Click here

Thumbtip
Condom? You’re right, the thumb tip is too big.

Dove Pan
Cook dinner

Magic Wand
Backscratcher

The list keeps going but the caffeine is frittering away and I’m beginning to realize how incredibly absurd this post is. So here I stop. You’re welcome.

I recently lied to you. I told you that there are no facts in magic. There are actually lots of facts in magic. For example, here are some proven facts for you:

I’ll be back with more facts soon!

Where are the facts that the best effects can be described in one sentence?

Where are the facts that being natural is the most convincing way to perform magic?

Where are the facts that people most name the number seven when asked for a number between one and ten?

Where are the facts that you shouldn’t open with a card trick?

Where are the facts that mentalism and magic don’t mix?

There aren’t any: these points are only observations made by magicians about their own performances. I hear too many magicians touting these ideas as facts, but while some of them give good advice, they have never been proven to work for every magician in the world. Because of this, we shouldn’t be afraid to take them, play with them and prove them wrong.

Late Saturday night (winding up about 1.30am), I was interviewed for another episode of iTricks.com’s Magic Week in Review. That’s right; they actually let me back on again. Nobody saw that coming!

This was a fun interview where Justin asked Todd Diamond and me some questions about handling failure in magic, Jeff McBride’s new show, performing card tricks on stage and lots more.

If you’ve got a spare thirty minutes, pop your headphones in and listen to the episode here:

Hey Guys,

Wow.

In our never-ending attempt to fact-check our hyphen-ated claims, we have unearthed yet another devastating revelation about the latest Clontest. It turns out that we’ve been dicking you all around this entire time. Shocking, I know.

Let’s take a trip back to when the Clontest was conceived. The notion was put forth that if an image of Eugene Burger was photoshopped to remove his trademark beard, no one would be able to recognize him. The plan was fool proof. We could offer any prizes we wanted because we knew no one could possibly win. Our streak of winless Clontests would reign on.

Not even close.

You guys are incredible. From the very first entry onward, you all saw through the deception like a transparent clear piece of invisible air. I don’t know about the rest of my fellow Cloggers, but I was suitably impressed. I was also a tad disappointed. It was over so quickly. So we decided to use our Ace in the hole: the object Eugene was holding. It was so ambiguous that we realized we could claim it was anything we wanted; allowing us to negate anyone’s chances of winning. But we just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it. You all whooped our asses, and we humbly submit to your superiority.

So while we had a bit of fun announcing fake winners, it’s time to officially end the Clontest once and for all. And the winner is…

Yeah, about that.

Andi and I seem to be in disagreement about who actually won. I think it’s Leif and he thinks it’s Naquada. So instead of resorting to the usual method of deciding arguments (tallest wins), we’ve agreed to have two winners. Ah, we’re, um, thrilled. So to keep with the official typesetting, the winners are…

Leif and Naquada!

Names like that make my spellchecker overheat. So congratulations are finally and deservedly in order to you gents! Watch your mailbox for your packages being sent from Ryan Pilling. (Please take care of that pronto, Ryan.)

But wait, there’s more!

For the rest of you, we kinda sorta feel bad about messing with you guys for so long. You all took part in the Clontest and we treated you like the scum that you aren’t. So as a wee ‘lil gift for those who entered (yet lost miserably), stake out your inbox for an email from Andi Gladwin Publications. In it, you will find a link for an unpublished trick that was developed as a truly group effort between The Clog team. And you’re getting it free of charge. You’ll get both a performance video along with the necessary explanation video to boot. It’s our way of saying, “Thanks!”

Because it would be too hard to just say, “Thanks!”

Thanks!

The Cloggers