The photo is still Eugene.

Hey Guys,

Wow.

In our never-ending attempt to fact-check our hyphen-ated claims, we have unearthed yet another devastating revelation about the latest Clontest. It turns out that we’ve been dicking you all around this entire time. Shocking, I know.

Let’s take a trip back to when the Clontest was conceived. The notion was put forth that if an image of Eugene Burger was photoshopped to remove his trademark beard, no one would be able to recognize him. The plan was fool proof. We could offer any prizes we wanted because we knew no one could possibly win. Our streak of winless Clontests would reign on.

Not even close.

You guys are incredible. From the very first entry onward, you all saw through the deception like a transparent clear piece of invisible air. I don’t know about the rest of my fellow Cloggers, but I was suitably impressed. I was also a tad disappointed. It was over so quickly. So we decided to use our Ace in the hole: the object Eugene was holding. It was so ambiguous that we realized we could claim it was anything we wanted; allowing us to negate anyone’s chances of winning. But we just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it. You all whooped our asses, and we humbly submit to your superiority.

So while we had a bit of fun announcing fake winners, it’s time to officially end the Clontest once and for all. And the winner is…

Yeah, about that.

Andi and I seem to be in disagreement about who actually won. I think it’s Leif and he thinks it’s Naquada. So instead of resorting to the usual method of deciding arguments (tallest wins), we’ve agreed to have two winners. Ah, we’re, um, thrilled. So to keep with the official typesetting, the winners are…

Leif and Naquada!

Names like that make my spellchecker overheat. So congratulations are finally and deservedly in order to you gents! Watch your mailbox for your packages being sent from Ryan Pilling. (Please take care of that pronto, Ryan.)

But wait, there’s more!

For the rest of you, we kinda sorta feel bad about messing with you guys for so long. You all took part in the Clontest and we treated you like the scum that you aren’t. So as a wee ‘lil gift for those who entered (yet lost miserably), stake out your inbox for an email from Andi Gladwin Publications. In it, you will find a link for an unpublished trick that was developed as a truly group effort between The Clog team. And you’re getting it free of charge. You’ll get both a performance video along with the necessary explanation video to boot. It’s our way of saying, “Thanks!”

Because it would be too hard to just say, “Thanks!”

Thanks!

The Cloggers

Hey Guys,

With Celebracadabra now over, it’s time to pose some tough questions:

1) For starters, some of you may wonder how Hal Sparks became so good in such a short period of time. It just doesn’t seem possible for someone to acquire so much skill each week. Heck, with the constant barrage of new Magic Café posts to study, how was Hal supposed to find any time to practice at all? It’s almost as though he’s been performing magic for, oh I dunno, forty-five years and then lied to the producers about being a complete n00b. If only I had some proof…

Celebraeureka!

I have found the piece of information that will bring VH1 down. I’ve handed it over to Bill O’Reilly, so be sure to tune into his show to learn all the nitty gritty details. Ah f*ck it, we’ll do it live:

Forty-five years ago, the one and only Hal Sparks published a trick in issue 29 of Ibidem (August, 1963). It’s called Nic & Will, and is a simplistic trick using a memorized deck along with a couple of tactile key cards. If you guys think I’m making this up, go check it out for yourselves. The dude has been scamming all of us this entire time. He was even the president of I.B.M. Ring 43 in Chicago. The freakin’ president. So the jig is up, Hal. We’re on to you and your scam. You should be ashamed of yourself. But you have nice hair.

2) Kimberly Wyatt has nicer hair.

Hey Guys,

Oops. Our bad.

It turns out that we were mistaken when awarding Jamie Badman the prize for the Clontest. The picture is not of Charlie Miller and we apologize to the readers of The Clog for insinuating such a fallacy. Our “reliable source” for the information came from a comment post belonging to a gentleman by the name of Jamie Badman. Yup, we promise to engage in better research from now on. Our bad.

So the real winner is… drum roll please… um no, you just did a rim shot, we’re looking for a drum roll… ah, okay that was more like a Neil Peart drum solo. You know what, nevermind. The winner is:

Ryan Pilling!

Oh lordy lordy, Ryan was the only person who knew that the photo was indeed of Guy Camirand. Congratulations, Ryan! We will get your prizes out to you by the end of the week.

For Jamie’s eyes only:

[Please package up all the prizes and send them off to Ryan Pilling. He’s expecting them by the end of the week, so you’ll have to Fed-Ex those badboys. Our bad.]

Hey Guys,

I’m sorry to inform you all that we will not be having a two month anniversary party to celebrate the lack of a winner from the latest Clontest. That’s because we finally have a victor:

Jamie Badman!

Yup, it turns out that Jamie was the only one who knew that the man in the photo is Charlie Miller (of Miller beer fame) and he is holding a playing card. Congratulations Jamie! We will be in touch with you to send out your prize.
Thank you to everyone who participated. You are all winners in my heart! (my sappy quota in now filled for the month of July)