It’s time to pull that old apparatus out of your dresser drawer, Cloggers! I’ve spent the last month writing this post. Every hour that has past, every minute, every second has been dedicated to bringing you this sensational list of new uses for those old props. The truth is, folks, I just wrote this five minutes ago but don’t let that dampen your mindset. You don’t have to take my word for it. Listen to what these legends had to say:

If it weren’t for Rich Aviles’ Modern Uses for Classic Apparatus I wouldn’t be where I am today. Canada.—Jay Spankey

At first glance, I was puzzled. But after a few more glances and a wink, I was sold!—Daniel Garcia-Mendez-Aviles

Now I have so many new uses for my favorite apparatus! Thanks, Rich!—Jenna Jameson

Let’s get started:

Zombie Ball (and foulard)
The foulard makes a great blanket. However, the Zombie Ball is not a great pillow.

Vanishing Jet
Keep the jet. Don’t vanish it.

Paul Fox cups
Use for drinking.

Dancing Cane
Also known as Walking Cane.

Milk Pitcher
Water, Tea, Kool-aid Pitcher.

Folding Coin
Use as a real coin in a vending machine (I have accidentally tested this, and it works).

Duck Bucket
I guess you could use it to hold water, or anything, but please stop putting ducks in buckets!

Silk Hankerchiefs
Wipe your nose.

Himber Wallet
Show your wallet empty when someone asks to borrow money.

Squared Circle
Can be used as a magic trick to fool people. Just kidding.

Egg Bag
Click here

Thumbtip
Condom? You’re right, the thumb tip is too big.

Dove Pan
Cook dinner

Magic Wand
Backscratcher

The list keeps going but the caffeine is frittering away and I’m beginning to realize how incredibly absurd this post is. So here I stop. You’re welcome.

Now that Tyler has sorted out the Clontest, LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE! It’s time for The Ultimate Battle: Legends of Legerdemain. In the the blue corner, Dai “Die!” Vernon. And in the red corner, Ed “Seconds, Centers and Bottoms” Marlo.

How do they really stack up against each other? Look at the comparison chart, make up your own mind, then see how I rate them. Agree? Disagree? Let us know.

Ding, ding, ding!

1. Vernon clearly takes this one. Not only can you easily pronounce his name but he was born in the friggin’ 1800s, too.
Score: Vernon [1] — Marlo [0]

2. This one is more complicated. Marlo invented the term Cardician so he has originality points. “The Professor” is so cool, though, giving Vernon style and a sense of being “the man.” However, originality points are worth more in this round. Go Marlo!
Score: Vernon [1] — Marlo [1]

3. Canada has produced the likes of Henning, Randi, Bertram, Acer/Sankey/Sanders (I have proof that these are all the same person) and others, so I have to go with Chicago—just to be fair.
Score: Vernon [1] — Marlo [2]

4. Tie.
Score: Vernon [2] — Marlo [3]

5. Houdini or Solomon … Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Score: Vernon [3] — Marlo [3]

6. It’s difficult to say which was a more important contribution to our field. But it is likely that Vernon embellished some of his stories to give his techniques more of a mystique. Unfortunately, fibbing gets you no where in this game.
Score: Vernon [3] — Marlo [4]

7. I JUST CAN’T DECIDE!
Score: Vernon [4] — Marlo [5]

8. Marlo wrote everything down. Everything—and published everything, too. Helpful to future cardicians? Yes. As great as being handed a seemingly unending supply of material might be, I’m tired of hearing “Yeah, very creative, that’s in Marlo Magazine 6.” Having your own couch at the Magic Castle doesn’t appear to have any downsides.
Score: Vernon [5] — Marlo [5]

It’s official, my friends, you should study the lives and material of both of these great masters.

Let’s hear it. How do you think they match up?

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I got scared.

So … back to the magic. Here’s a quick idea. Everyone and their dog does the classic egg sack trick. Egg goes into sack. Egg disappears. Repeat.

Oh, sorry, Andi just whispered in my ear that it’s called the Egg Bag trick. With the exceptions of Jeff Hobson and Tom Mullica, I haven’t seen anyone make it very exciting (the trick, that is). I’m not saying that I have anything to help but perhaps the idea below might spark some creativity.

The Soap Sack by Rich Aviles
If the headline doesn’t give away the idea, I don’t know what will. Instead of using an egg, use a bar of soap. Why, you say? Because soap is funny. The jokes practically write themselves. Especially when you start thinking about disappearing soap.

The bag could easily be presented as a new product by Avon that keeps your soap clean while you wash.

This might be obvious but the only way to end such a routine would be the production from the bag of a rubber ducky, a back scrubber and, of course, water.

Have fun.

Magicians love stuff. We have drawers full of stuff (you can read that either way). A new thing comes out on the market, we buy it. We have to know how it works, and how it differs from that other thing we bought last week.

One item that seems to appear every few months is a new way to carry the stuff that we have. You have no doubt seen these contraptions. The Assassin Pouches, the Pro-Carriers—you know what I’m talking about. I can see how some of these products are useful to a working professional. However, I like to keep it simple so I usually just carry a deck of cards. If you’re like me, you probably look for innovative ways to carry those 52 pals. Below you will find my top five products for carrying a deck of cards.

5. Engraved Metal Case - $18.00
4. Mulholland Brothers Case - $38.00
3. Home-made Duct Tape Case - About $2.00
2. Body Harness - $175.00
1. Preferred method: Left Pants Pocket - FREE

Although, I must say, the harness is a very close second.

It’s Rich here.

I recently found out that my girlfriend has been reading my posts on The Clog here without my knowledge. This kind of embarrasses me and is a bit of a disappointment since she now knows the method for my fire wallet; a trick that has kept her guessing for years now. But with this new information as to her internet browsing habits, I figured I would take the opportunity to surprise her with something I’ve been meaning to do for a while now, but never knew how. My heart is racing, but here it goes:

Shaniqua, will you marry me?